I believe all women are meant to be mothers. For the ones who have had younger siblings, motherhood comes earlier than expected. Watching the way their mothers look after their younger brothers and sisters; nourishes and cares for them, gives the elder sisters a sneak peek of what life is when bringing up a child.
The struggle starts even before the child is born but rather when the baby is conceived. From the excruciating morning sickness to the swollen feet and back-aches, the entire pregnancy is nothing but an ordeal on the body of the woman. And the pain of labour can’t be put into words. It is like someone is trying to rip your body open with his bare hands while you are alive and conscious. Even after all of this, women get pregnant.
When a mother hears the cry of her child for the first time, every moment of pain and sleepless night is forgotten. She endured the ordeal of pregnancy just because of the small bundle of joy that will soon be more important to her than her own life. From the moment she sees her baby for the first time to the last time she sees him before closing her eyes forever, her world revolves around that baby, the baby that even at the age of 45 will still be her tiny bundle of joy. In the eyes of parents, their children never grow up.
Singlehood and Motherhood
When I was just a teenager, I always used to wonder what it would be like to be a mother. To have a baby that will look at me as if I am making the sunshine in his life has to be the best feeling in the world. When I thought of being a mother, I always imagined myself with my husband, who has to be the most awesome dad in the entire universe. However, what you want and what you get are not always the same.
Right after I conceived my baby, my husband was called on duty in Afghanistan. A month or so after I got the news that he was martyred in combat by a landmine. A tiny little device dug into the ground had taken the life of my 6’4″ tall weighing 126 kg giant of a darling. I shook to my bones upon hearing the news, but life had to go on. I had to take care of the only piece of him that I had left, growing inside me.
It is not at all easy to raise a kid for a couple; however, being a single parent makes the task even more exciting. I always knew that Andrew was my one and only. After him, there would be no space for someone else in my heart, apart from our baby, of course. I named him Andrew Junior so that he could be the closest to his dad.
The Biggest Hurdle – ‘Finances’
Even though I did not want to, but after a few years, I started to think of my husband less. I will remember him even after I die and still love him. However, for now, all my love is entirely for his son.
My baby has grown so big in the four years I have had him. I am sure he is competing with his father to be the tallest man in the family. I have enjoyed every moment that I had with my child. He is the sweetest and understanding kid on the planet. Although he is just 4, he understands that I have to go and work for our survival. He even consoles me when I have a terrible day at work. We eat ice cream together then.
The emotional and mental stability is always at an acceptable level with us. However, financial security is a whole other ball game. I try to keep my needs at bay, always prioritise Andrew’s needs and wants and try to fulfil them for him. Try is the operative word here. I do all I can but still fall short. I can’t work overtime because then my baby would never see me, even though the extra income won’t hurt anybody.
To improve our financial situation, I am trying to make two changes. One is that I am looking for a new job that will pay better than the present one. Since I have about 6 years of experience in marketing, I think I will manage it. The second is slightly tricky. I want to buy a home. I feel that paying rent every month is a waste of money. Instead, if you could spend the same money as your instalment, you are indirectly saving it. Because one day the loan would be entirely repaid, the house will be yours to call.
The Trouble of Getting a Home
It seems very easy. However, my credit history will not allow it to be. When Andrew was about 2, he fell sick, my job did not cover for my medical bills, so I had to take a loan. My income was almost 2-3rds of what it is now. So I had to jump a few, okay maybe a lot, of the instalments. Now, no bank is giving me a loan, because according to them, I am a criminal. After all, there is no crime in the world bigger than jumping a few instalments.
I was in limbo. I asked a few friends and colleagues to be my guarantors, but nobody was willing. I knew then that all my life, I would keep paying rent and drain all my money. Then, all of a sudden, a solution popped up on my computer screen. Until then, I had only heard about online lenders. I don’t know if it was fate or just coincidence, but I landed on a website that provided very bad credit loans with no guarantor and no broker for people like me. Just for the sake of it, I clicked on the apply tab, not at all expecting a reply from them. But I got one. With my new job and salary hike, I could quickly pay the instalments.
Now it has been almost three months since we moved into our new home. It has a tiny front yard and a humongous backyard, where the previous owner has grown a vegetable garden. There is a giant oak tree as well, upon which we are currently trying to build a treehouse for my little man, again trying is the operative word. I would have to call for professional help, and I am certainly not succeeding.
Being a mother is a full-time job. There are times when I lose my patience. I don’t have someone to share the burden with, and I am not complaining just stating a fact. However, at the end of the day when I tuck my baby in bed, and he says that he loves me and I am his Hero, trust me I forget every problem and worry I ever faced in my life. That moment with my child covers up for every horror of my life.