I was used to be happy with my husband and my lovely child. I was introduced to my husband by one of our friends. I always remember the first time I met him. He was handsome, kind, and talented. I crushed on him when seeing him play guitar in a restaurant when we met. We loved each other and after a year of dating, he proposed marriage to me. I believed that I was the luckiest woman in the world. I believed that I had him and I had everything in the world. I and my husband lived together happily. After one year, I gave birth to a lovely girl. Nothing can be happier than that.
However, all things changed after one day he lost his only job. We had lived with his low salary because of his laziness. However, I felt that my life was happy. This was because my family means everything to me. However, after the day he lost his job, all things get worse and overwhelming. I tried my best to stand by him and support him. I still believed in him. I thought he could find a better job and our family could come back to the previous life. But my life, my happiness, belief, and confidence went down and dipped in a sea of frustration. He did not find a job. He made friends with bad people who made him drink alcohol, smoke and hang out with different women in bars. Day by day, he became a different person with aggressive behavior, uncontrollable emotion and bad attitude. He was never a kind, talented man I first met in a restaurant. He made me disappointed. I just wanted to be his side, support and encourage him to do the right things. I tried my best and did everything I could do. But nothing could work for me and for him during that time. Our conversation always ended in the quarrel and violence. All my friends, my families and people knowing about this relationship advised me to divorce. I did not want to. My family meant everything to me. It was all my life. Everything broke out when I saw him hang out with a bitch and he slapped me, kicked me, and punched my face violently in front of my two year old child. At that time, I really wanted to give up my marriage. I needed to think for my small child. How could she live with a violent aggressive dad? How could I deal with it and still call it happiness? I needed to let it go. So, I divorced. I never forget the time when I and my husband walked out from the court and he said a sincerely apologize to me. I busted into tears. However, I think it is the best thing we could do. We owned nothing to each other.
My life after that was worse than I thought. I gave up my study to get married to him. Because I wanted to become a good wife and a great mother, I did not find a job. I just stayed at home and took care of my husband and my lovely small girl. After the divorce, I became an unemployed mom with nothing on my hands. It was shameful when I had to rely on the pension of my mother and my father. They are old and I did not do anything for them. How could I deal with the loneliness and frustration? Many times I just wanted to give up. Many times I thought of death. But my child becomes my hope, aim and only happiness. She made me stronger.
We all hope that our marriage will last forever. We all want to be happy. However, everything can happen and change after one night. Many marriages end up in divorce due to a lot of reasons including constrained emotion, poor communication, abuse, incompatibility, difference in culture and background, unhappiness, immediate changes in our life, insecurity, jealousy, inflexibility, infidelity, and financial situation. However, we need to adapt it. We need to overcome to be happy again. And we need to know how to deal with loneliness after a divorce.
1. Know That Loneliness Is Just Your Emotion
Loneliness is just my emotion. The negative emotion made me feel isolated and lonely. I was familiar with the feeling of having him by my side. I used to have a happy family. The loneliness means I remember all the happy things that I and my husband had. The happier we used to be the more loneliness I felt after a divorce. Our brain has the ability to recognize the danger as well as the pain. After the divorce, I had a deep emotional pain in my heart that gets my attention. I lost my energy. After I know that, I try my best to accept that feeling. Knowing it is real is better than escaping from the painful present moments. I asked myself questions. Why am I lonely? Does nobody love me? Do I have the biggest failure? Yes. I have loneliness. But I have my father, my mother and many close friends stand by my side. This is not my biggest failure. After asking and answering these questions, I know I can deal with the loneliness after a divorce.
You can cry if you want. Nothing is shy about that. When you have pain in your heart, crying is the best natural for your soul.
3. You Are Not A Loser
Being a divorced mom does not mean you are a loser. My father encouraged me to go out and make friends. He suggested that I should do the things I like. I thought I could do and was willing to that. Feeling that I was a loser prevents me from doing anything. I did not go out, make friends or wear any beautiful dress. I felt I did not deserve. However, my father did not give up. He encouraged me again and again until I am willing to build self confidence.
4. Make A Plan For Beating The Mental Habits Associated With Loneliness
When you realize that you are building mental habits associated with loneliness, you should have a plant of dealing with it. When you felt tired, depressed, and overwhelmed, you should go out, do something different and meet people. Being lazy, sleeping all day long or crying do not help you to solve the negative emotions. If you want to know how to deal with loneliness after a divorce, I suggested that you should eat healthily, build a regular exercise program and sleep enough 8 hours. It seems difficult at the first time. However, everything can be better if you try it again and again.
Being loneliness does not mean you can let yourself be lazy and tired. A healthy body can give you a healthy mind. It is a great idea to spend your time working out and doing physical activities. Divorced women should improve physical and mental health. I went to a gym every weekend. I looked good, fit, and healthy.
6. Get Busy
After my divorce, I begin to know getting busy is a good way on how to deal with loneliness. It made me forget all the memory, happy moments that I and my husband shared with each other in the past. However, it passed and we need to live in our present. There are many things you can do to get yourself busy. For example, you can participate in voluntary work, competition or a charity. I helped the disable children to study at school and gave foods to needed people. I felt myself helpful.
7. Chat With Someone
We need someone who can talk with us. In order to solve the loneliness, you need someone to be your best friend. My friends always stand by me. We share our interest, hobby, and secret thoughts. I know I can trust her. Do you have someone who can chat with? Do you have your best friend who you can trust? You do not need to suffer from being loneliness by yourself. If you need help, just chat with your best friend.
8. Boost Your Self-Esteem
Your self-esteem is important if you want to get out from being loneliness. I know many divorced moms lost their confidence and could not involve in most social situations. Meeting new people is difficult for them. So was I. The advice is that you should think about yourself as well as your strengths. My father wanted me to draw again. Drawing used to be my favorite hobby. My friends said that they admired my drawing ability. So I began to draw. Finally, I can find my confidence, my strength, and my dream. I even think I can do other things best.
9. Have Emotional Honesty
When you suffer from loneliness, you should be open to your friend and confess to them with your emotional honesty. Divorce moms often feel bad and weak when they have to tell their friends about their emotions or thoughts. It is not true. Being open and honest does not mean you are inadequate. We are just normal human. We all have negative emotions, tough times, and awful moments. We can share these things with people we trust. It will make us feel better.
10. Join In A Class
I had to give up my study when I got married. It is the most regretful in my life. It prevents me from finding a good job. So, I thought I should join in a class. I always want to learn about drawing. In class, I met a lot of interesting people and we share our interest. I felt that I am involved in a group. It gives me creativeness, stimulation, and strength that help me look forward.
11. Lean On Your Family
I am divorced and unemployed. So I have to lean on my family. At first, I felt shameful. However, now I understand that it is normal to lean on the family during the tough time. Your family members are the people who always support you and want to give you the best thing. They worry about you and understand you both emotionally and physically. You should allow them to comfort you.
12. Start Blogging
It is a great idea for you to start blogging if you like writing and sharing with people your interest, your emotion and your thought. Blogging can keep you busy. Therefore, you do not spend a lot of time on your loneliness. I was advised to start blogging after the day I get divorced. When I share my pictures I draw with many people, I feel better.
13. Have Your Realistic Dream
Divorce does not mean that you lose everything. You did not lose your friends, your child, your family, and your dream. You always have the chances of building a realistic dream. You always have the opportunities to make your dream come true. When I was a child, I liked drawing and dreamed of being an artist. Now I keep trying my best to make my dream come true. Living with all the present moments with all people I love and a realistic dream I have is the best happiness. I know many divorced moms lost their confidence. They did not have a dream. So, it is time for you to think about your realistic dream.
I have the good news that I find a job last week. I now can build my own confidence when I know that I have the ability to do anything without my husband. Sometimes the divorce will be the best thing you can do for your life, your child and people who worry about you. I know that it will be tough and we need to have courage to deal with the loneliness after a divorce. Believe that you are the best woman in the world.
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